Bus Etiquette – 6 rules

My list of simple rules that will ensure we all get along.

1. Don’t take the aisle and hope that I will not ask your ass to move over or let me in. Take the window seat.

2. Don’t leave your bag on the empty seat beside you and hope that I don’t ask your ass to move it.

3. If you’re young and able-bodied, don’t sit in the front seats. Who raised you to do that?

4. If you can’t bring yourself to follow rule 3, then at least get up and move when a senior or a disabled person or a parent with a bunch of kids gets on. Don’t even wait to be asked. If I have to ask you, I will do so impolitely.

5. Nobody wants to hear your story about ‘how totally fuckin’ wasted you got last night’ or ‘what a total bitch she is, and you can’t even deal’. Not even your friend on the other end of the phone. So stop yelling about it.

6. Don’t fart. Tighten your sphincter until your stop.

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